After November I was going to concentrate on editing my first book to get it printed via createspace. But my grandmother, as of Sunday, has been in such severe pain from her foot where the veins are not delivering the right amount of blood, that the pain medication given to her has made her not herself. She hallucinates in every single way, or we find she’s walked to the front door or laundry room and things people are coming after her, or are here already to kill us all. Monday morning right before I was going to leave to take my younger son to school I peaked in on her and found her bed empty which scared me to death. She cannot walk, Her wheelchair was there, but no grandma, Iooked in her bathroom and closet both were empty. Then I saw that the small laundry room that holds one washer and one dryer and one cat litter box well the door was closed. My older son had left for school on the bus and my mom who has MS, was in bed. I went to the door and sure enough my grandmother was in there but she refused to come out. I got my mom up and then took my son to school. I cried all the way there and all the way back. All we do is help her in every single way but the medicine changes her mental state and emotionally it is draining because there are things she says to us that hurt badly. I swear we are doing the best we can but my mom’s multiple sclerosis is bad and though it has been only since Sunday that everything we know has been turned upside down, I feel drained. I yelled at God on Monday and prayed and prayed since then. Grandma loves her horror movies but hasn’t watched tv since Saturday. Early this morning there were ‘things’ in the walls and they were telling her not to tell us that they were after us. Take this moment and tweak it and you get another hour of oddness. And then you get 24 hours of it, then 48, then 72 etc. I am reading when I catch the time and will be positing reviews as soon as I can. And more free books from Amazon of course. But right now, I can barely function and I have a fifteen yr old son and a ten yr old one. With four cats, it can get bonkers here but now, it’s just plain crappy. But I won’t let my depression become stronger than me and defeat me. My grandmother has always been a super strong and stubborn woman. I’m stubborn too. I push the depression back and look for little things like the wet grass after it rained or listening to music on the way home from dropping my son off at school to keep me going. Nothing is impossible. Believe it, live it.
Reading posts from friends on Facebook. Scary things happening in this world. Wish I could put safety bubbles around people to keep them safe but then we’d need bigger everything. chairs, cars, bus seats, imagine! Unless you could shrink the bubble to be like, a second skin but still keep you safe and alive. Who’s the genius in the world today who will patent this idea? Someone has had to think of it way before little ‘ol me. Laundry, one child playing his PS3, laughing, arguing, shrieking, yes he shrieks, and so much noise coming from that room. Happy day for him. Shrieks, laughter, groans and yelling from my older son’s room as he loses a game and gets mad, then gets a new game that will connect with one of mine and we can play thanks to his Grandma, now he’s happy too. That liquid in the hummingbird feeder gets very hot sitting in the sun, they still drink it but talk about a burned tongue and yes Hummingbirds have tongues. I got so close yesterday I could see one swallow. Of course the one with the red at its throat zoomed at my face and for a moment I feared it pecking me then I just stared in open curiosity before it went to the feeder. I was cutting the roses, the yellow ones, right next to the feeder. So beautiful.
I couldn’t stop the tears as I looked through songs on youtube trying to find appropriate ones for a friend in need. I wish everyone could send up a positive prayer for my friend Terry and her brother who REALLY needs it. Help ease his suffering and open God’s arms for him. Help Terry have the extra strength she needs to get through this. Amen.
I’m not posting any free books today from Amazon. Instead I will post a link and you can view 100 free books in the Literature & Fiction genre. Start at one and work your way around. http://www.amazon.com/Best-Sellers-Kindle-Store-Literature-Fiction/zgbs/digital-text/157028011.
I am currently reading several books and will be posting reviews on them soon. Such awesome writers, I feel so blessed.
Hugs and personal space bubbles to everyone! Colleen
p.s. Help an author with a review is SUPER important to me. Go to that page here https://nightshadelane.com/help-an-author-with-a-review/ and check out books still needing a review. I check them each day to check their prices always looking for free but many free change to priced over time. Get them while you can!