Mental health and Foggy Days & My first book is published and available on Amazon!

This Is Life

My son is in the hospital for depression. It’s been hard but his father drove me to see him on Saturday and Sunday. His 72 hour hold is over and he will be discharged on Wednesday.  It was one of the most hardest things I have ever done. To bring my son to crisis where he was taken back behind many locked doors by these very big men. Then they moved him by ambulance, totally strapped down from neck to feet more than an hour away.

Other than missing his handheld gaming system, food at home, and some other regular day comforts, he is doing quite well. I just pray that this is helping him as his life is just beginning and I need him to thrive while he survives.

On another note, our neighbors had a party last night and they turned their sound system all the way up. God says to forgive your neighbors but I found it hard because I already had a migraine and they do not care what time it is or how loud they are or to be courteous to thy neighbors. I called the police the last time they did this and they threw eggs on our cars. But on that occurrence their sound system was maxed out and on both times, the chairs we sat in vibrated from their pounding, swearing music.

My mom’s multiple sclerosis has not improved rather it is weakening her further. She couldn’t get pills down her throat without gagging so she’s wearing a cervical collar and it helps like magic! I am a caregiver to both my mom and grandma who;s leg was amputated in April of this year. I am a mom of two boys I love dearly and guardian of four cats that do not always get along and I am constantly cleaning up their messes as one overeats and up it comes while another overeats and makes a mess in both ways which can get pretty stinky, poor maine coon kitty. So furry. While our cat that overeats got bitten by another one of its siblings, I took him to the vet a week ago and he’s 21 pounds. He is doing much better now.

My happiest note is that I took my book I wrote for 2014 and I ordered the proof paperback and published it on Amazon!  I want it available as free so I’m going to have to figure it out as it would not let me do that. The lowest I could go was $0.99 and I am all about free books!

I will gladly send a copy to anyone who would be willing to write a review for me. This book was written in thirty days and edited in fifteen days by myself. It is just the beginning as I have one more complete novel that is my jewel that I am editing right now.

We have super foggy nights and mornings and I hope  that people drive safely! It didn’t rain but the cars drive by making that swooshing sound from the wet pavement.


I am going to give a paperback copy away in goodreads once I finish the proof.

music more than just something, love more than just living

Just finished watching Les Miserables, 2012. It was beautiful on stage and emotionally moving on film.  It comes second to Phantom of the Opera, the film.  I enjoyed the many stage productions but Gerard Butler’s performance holds so much emotion, in his eyes, his stance, he is the perfect ‘Erik/Phantom’.  Especially since he does not wear that darn pinky ring I’ve seen others wear. Too pompous for me. Mr. Butler’s ‘Erik’ is haunting and this movie’s soundtrack especially ‘Point of No Return’, is my haven from the pain of this world. If the clouds cover the sky and hide the sun, I have this music to be lost in.  Should my life prove to be harder than I could believe it could be, I have this music.  In music you can close your eyes, and lose yourself in it.  It lifts my depression, strengthens my soul and brings a smile upon my lips. Listening to this particular song, as Mr. Butler sings at first, tender then at that one point the tenderness is gone and the need, want, obsession with ‘Christine’ is emotionally warped but in a good way.  I’m always humming parts of this soundtrack, and my younger son will say, “Phantom of the Opera again momma?” and my response, “Of course my love! His voice haunts me. It is beautiful.” and he replies to me, “You sing that a lot” and me “yes I do.”  We exchange smiles and life continues.

If my life is meant to be a mother, daughter and granddaughter, ex-wife and whatever other label anyone wants to put upon me, is there nothing else? I know love, have felt its strength, if I cannot have someone love me (family not included), be alone with my soul for the rest of my days, soon I will be turning 40, and with one son who is 15 and the other turning 10 soon, what will I do to fill those years when they no longer need me?  Online dating is not an option as everyone lies. People ask me now and then, am I dating. Are you kidding me? My first thoughts, ‘who would want me?’ and then blocking those thoughts out, ‘no time right now.’ I have fought to live, and this is the life I am living. the path I chose to follow. Death will come one day for me but not at my own hands and not over something as complicated as the love of a man. I don’t need another person in my life telling me what to do, how to do it and all that.  I know, not all marriages are like that, some are fabulous and wonderful but those are shapeless dreams floating away on errant clouds. Clearing my soul. There is no escape from life but to go on. And any thoughts otherwise is time best spent doing other things. key word there was DOING. Which means live. Don’t take the so called easy route out of life, don’t choose suicide. I’ve been on both sides of that coin and I am here today to keep you on the same side of the coin I chose. Life, for me, for you. ImageColleen


free books from amazon. free at time of this post.
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