After November I was going to concentrate on editing my first book to get it printed via createspace. But my grandmother, as of Sunday, has been in such severe pain from her foot where the veins are not delivering the right amount of blood, that the pain medication given to her has made her not herself. She hallucinates in every single way, or we find she’s walked to the front door or laundry room and things people are coming after her, or are here already to kill us all. Monday morning right before I was going to leave to take my younger son to school I peaked in on her and found her bed empty which scared me to death. She cannot walk, Her wheelchair was there, but no grandma, Iooked in her bathroom and closet both were empty. Then I saw that the small laundry room that holds one washer and one dryer and one cat litter box well the door was closed. My older son had left for school on the bus and my mom who has MS, was in bed. I went to the door and sure enough my grandmother was in there but she refused to come out. I got my mom up and then took my son to school. I cried all the way there and all the way back. All we do is help her in every single way but the medicine changes her mental state and emotionally it is draining because there are things she says to us that hurt badly. I swear we are doing the best we can but my mom’s multiple sclerosis is bad and though it has been only since Sunday that everything we know has been turned upside down, I feel drained. I yelled at God on Monday and prayed and prayed since then. Grandma loves her horror movies but hasn’t watched tv since Saturday. Early this morning there were ‘things’ in the walls and they were telling her not to tell us that they were after us. Take this moment and tweak it and you get another hour of oddness. And then you get 24 hours of it, then 48, then 72 etc. I am reading when I catch the time and will be positing reviews as soon as I can. And more free books from Amazon of course. But right now, I can barely function and I have a fifteen yr old son and a ten yr old one. With four cats, it can get bonkers here but now, it’s just plain crappy. But I won’t let my depression become stronger than me and defeat me. My grandmother has always been a super strong and stubborn woman. I’m stubborn too. I push the depression back and look for little things like the wet grass after it rained or listening to music on the way home from dropping my son off at school to keep me going. Nothing is impossible. Believe it, live it.
children, depression, God, hallucinations, hard, illness, life, live, medication, ms, tired